By Jane Warren

“Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible — the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.”- Virginia Satir

My oldest son turns 23 this weekend. In some ways it seems like just yesterday he was in diapers, but in other ways it seems so long ago since we brought him home from the hospital. Today, he’s a college graduate, financially independent and a productive and responsible member of society – not to mention a very decent human being (if I do say so myself).

He came along right before my first wedding anniversary. My husband and I were both college students, young, broke, but working hard to make ends meet. We were so happy when our son arrived. I was barely 22, but determined to be a good parent and determined not to mess up this beautiful blank slate who’d just arrived.

In my view, my main role as a mom was to teach my son to be a well-balanced, productive, good person. From the beginning, even at my young age, I always had this end in mind and was keenly aware of the limited number of years I had to accomplish my task.

We lived in a small town and so I’m aware of some of the paths his high school classmates have taken. Some have taken to adulthood, gone to school, married and may even have children of their own by now. Others have ended up in prison, under-employed, battling with addictions to drugs and alcohol.

It really isn’t a secret as to how my son and his successful classmates turned out so well while others his age struggle with personal accountability and independence. In 90% of cases, these young adults come from families who taught them, from a young age, to take responsibility for their actions.

These parents, like my husband and I, were involved. We saw the same group of parents attend the school functions, but the parents of struggling kids were no where to be found. Parents of successful children undoubtedly helped with homework and modeled, on a daily basis, what responsible adult behavior looks like. We gave our children a chance to take on responsibility a little at a time, such as making it their job to throw out the wet potty pads for our puppies, and did not shield the children from natural consequences of their mistakes or allow them to place blame.

I saw these same parents helping out at extra-curricular activities, driving on field trips, volunteering to teach a class in 4-H or scouts, selling concessions at school sporting events. At the stores, I observed parents shopping with young children, who were often pushing very small shopping carts filled with food along side mom or dad.

Older children went to the store to pick up a forgotten item and learned to go through the checkout by actually doing it. High schoolers, my own included, shuttled younger siblings to and from friends’ houses. Some children in my area assisted their parents in the day-to-day operation of local businesses, often from the time they could walk and talk. The kids also pitched in to help with taking care of family and neighbors’ pets, from training and grooming to preventive care, and even had a contest one time on how to keep your dogs teeth clean!

Between watching us be responsible adults and actually having a chance to practice responsible behavior, carrying out tasks and duties reliably became second nature to our kids. As our children, imbued with confidence in their ability to function in the world, make their own way in the world, we proudly watch them spread their wings, knowing our hard work has paid off.

About the Author

Jane Warren writes about parenting, family life and pets. She loves to travel internationally, and participate in water sports, especially scuba diving.

By Lily

Hopefully, by now, all of the holiday decorations have been put away and good memories remain. The bounty found under the tree has been tried out by my eight year old daughter and the favorites have been determined. Disney Sing It Family Hits (Wii) is definitely a hit. Like a lot of kids, she loves to sing and perform. I was looking for a karaoke system when I happened upon this line from Disney. It was a happy moment to realize I wouldn’t have to bring in yet another electronic space-taker.

The selection of games range from classic Disney to their modern day stars and shows. The price of most is under $30.00 and you can opt for a bundle that includes a pretty decent microphone. “Family Hits,” a collection of well-known theme songs, was a good test to see if she cared for the game.  The playback sounds great and she loves hearing her voice with the Disney orchestras. I have decided to get some mirrors for her play area. Every star likes to see themselves perform. The “easy” mode is age appropriate. In other words, it’s truly easy for her to get a good score in training for the next level. There’s not a lot of the frustration involved that accompanies so many video games. This one is just about fun and the joy of singing. It is educational too. Anika Noni Rose (The Princess and The Frog, Dreamgirls) provides vocal tips and exercises in order to improve your game score.

Another toy that more than met expectations was the D&L Company Stomp Rocket. Costing no more than $20.00, it’s an easily assembled, almost unbreakable toy. The child jumps on it to launch a lightweight air rocket really high. How cool is that? It’s been the center of many games with my daughter and her friends so far.

So how did it shake out at your house? What ended up being the favorites? We were lucky and nothing flopped. But, please feel free to share your disappointments as well.
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By Pam

Recently I have seen some articles out there that discuss rules for “mothers of sons” or “dads with daughters” and I thought it would be kind of cool to discuss and read what you all think are important rules for parents raising children . Whether they are rules specific to your child’s gender or just general life lessons that you have learned along the way, please share some of yours with us.

I will start with this one:

Go outside and play a sport with your child when they need that extra teammate to be able to play a game. Turn off the TV or hang up the phone and go play your heart out. You can always clean the house tomorrow.

Some of my sons’ fondest memories are when I played goalie for their street hockey team or first base in a neighborhood baseball game.  I had no arm and some of my throws were wild but I could catch a ball and I could hit one out of the park. We had plenty of laughs when they shared with my husband at the dinner table some of my more uncoordinated moves.  It was also heart warming when I could see how proud of me they were when they talked about a goal I blocked or the winning run that I drove in.

How about you? Do you have some wise words or rules on how to parent?
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By Chris Molnar

This Christmas is your first one with a newborn. It’s definitely an exciting time, but there are also a lot of things you will stress over, such as figuring out how long to spend at each family’s house. Or trying to parry offers of food that baby isn’t ready for. Or how about opening gifts and finding that two different families picked the same outfit, causing an uncomfortable silence? These are the realities to baby’s first Christmas.

Though this special milestone is filled with much joy, it can bring about a great deal of stress as well. Unsuspecting new parents often find themselves at the center of heated debates between at least two different families. Add to that the stress of a whole army of relatives with well meaning but often unwanted advice. Though there can be a lot of stress to baby’s first Christmas, there are some effective ways to cope with that and eliminate that … unless you do the following:

1. Listen to All the “Advice” From Your Relatives: Yes you are going to have a whole army of well-meaning relatives that are sure to annoy you immensely. They will give you advice on everything from how warm you should keep baby to what they should eat. You can fight with them, causing heated arguments and lots of hurt feelings. Or, this is where you as a parent grow your wings by learning how to politely ignore them.

Only you know how to take care of your baby. You’re not suddenly going to change your ways based on conflicting advice. Your family and friends are excited about your baby, and just wish to feel part of baby’s life by “helping” you. Just smile politely, let them talk and then move on to another conversation. This usually gives the signal and allows you to focus on enjoying the season rather than being bogged down in too many opinions.

2. Don’t Prioritize: It’s not enough to just tell each side of the family that you’ll come on by with the baby. They want to know times of arrival, how long you’re staying, and how much time you are spending at the other family’s house. You and your partner should come up with a plan as you would for any other occasion and then stick to it.

You need to prioritize what you will be doing this Christmas. Write down what activities you have done before baby arrived. If you usually help at five major events, cross off four of them and stick with one. With the demands of your newborn and all the attention from family and friends, you won’t have time for the others.

3. Accommodate Everybody: Christmas is about celebration, festivities, parties and gifts. If you are planning to do all this, think again. You have a newborn. That means you will not have slept in weeks or months. People should understand if you have to bow out of certain parties, or if you decide not to be the hostess this year. Let somebody else take care of it this year. You and baby come first, and your friends have to realize this.

This is very hard for some parents but a necessity. Be cordial but speak your mind when enough is enough. Be sure that everyone understands that baby needs time to eat and sleep (this actually refers to yourself) and that sometimes this means that you can’t be everywhere. Though it may not go over well at first, if you set your limits early on, your friends and family will eventually understand.

4. Try to Be Perfect: If you have watched the latest crop of television shows featuring a baby, you will see that the house is always immaculate, clean and tidy. This is because a baby doesn’t actually live there! It’s a set put together by Hollywood designers and technicians, many of them in their early twenties and childless. The reality is that you will barely be able to get yourself dressed. Instead of thinking of presentation, think about simply enjoying your first Christmas with your new bundle of joy. The messy floor, the laundry and the last time you bathed don’t matter. Learn to embrace your new addition to the family – in twenty years, your memories will be of them crinkling the wrapping paper, not the piles of dirty dishes!

About the Author:

Chris Molnar is a Dad to two wonderful preschool daughters and has (almost) learned to take the stress out of holidays and birthday party planning. He and his wife are starting to get full nights of sleep after five years, and the dishes are usually washed the same day. Their first Christmas with baby involved lots of crinkling of wrapping paper, getting dressed in the late afternoon, and a short trip to Grandma and Grandpa’s where they let them do all the work.
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By Evan Fischer

Although it isn’t entirely common for children to develop vision problems, it’s not totally uncommon, either.  And since people predominantly use their sense of sight to interact with the world, it is imperative that you address any potential vision problems as soon as possible so that they can be treated.  Even toddlers need their vision to cope with the environment around them, especially as they learn to walk.  But once your child reaches school age, this cardinal sense becomes even more important.  The reason is that most classroom materials are presented visually.  The ability to read and write is crucial to the learning process in our schools, so if your child can’t see the blackboard (or the page in front of him), it could cause serious academic problems, not to mention a high level of frustration.  So you need to take your child for regular eye exams and watch for these telltale signs of vision problems.

1. Unable to focus.  It can be hard to tell if infants are having vision problems because it can take 6-8 months for vision to fully develop (until which time your baby may not be able to properly focus).  But if your child is nearing the one-year mark and still seems to be having trouble focusing or using visual skills, you should definitely talk to a doctor to see if there might be some kind of problem.  It is important to keep in mind that all children develop at different rates, but there is a general timeline you can go by and in some cases, early treatment can make a big difference.
2. Bumping into things.  Toddlers are naturally going to bump into things as they get their bearings on wobbly little legs.  But over time these mishaps should become less common.  If you think that your toddler is having too many run-ins with the furniture, perhaps it’s time to get his vision checked.
3. Amblyopia.  This is more commonly referred to as “lazy eye” and it occurs when the pathway between the brain and the eye doesn’t develop properly (often in one eye only).  It is the most common reason for vision loss in children and it is usually easily identified because the weaker eye tends to turn in or out as the body naturally depends on the stronger eye.  However, this indicator may not be present.  So look for signs that the eyes are not working together, and watch for problems with depth perception or other indicators of weak vision.
4. Cataracts.  Sometimes babies are born with cataracts and in some cases they develop early in life.  The cause is often unknown (although it may be an inherited condition), but it is important that cataracts be diagnosed, analyzed, and treated (generally with surgery) as soon as possible to ensure that vision develops normally in both eyes.  If cataracts go untreated, the brain will favor the healthy eye (which can lead to amblyopia).
5. Dropping grades.  So many kids these days are diagnosed with learning disorders like ADD and dyslexia that you may first assume poor grades are the result of one of these common disorders.  But it could be due to vision problems.  The only real way to tell is to have your child tested by an ophthalmologist.  In some cases, kids that do have vision problems simply don’t want to wear their glasses at school, and you can get to the bottom of this by asking their teachers.  If they don’t like the way their glasses look, the easy solution is contact lenses (at least for older kids such as Acuvue.)  So talk to your eye doctor about the possibility.

About the Author:

Evan Fischer is a freelance writer and part-time student at California Lutheran University in Thousand Oaks, California.
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