Written by Liz
Being single is tough sometimes. You have a wedding invite where you can bring a “plus one” and cannot find a person to go with. Friday night rolls around and all you want is to get a call from a guy saying “Hey lets meet at the mall and catch a movie” but instead you watch “Pollyanna” and scrub your kitchen floor (not that *I* have ever done that on a Friday night….). At the same time I refuse to lower my standards and settle for a guy who is not someone I would possibly spend the rest of my life with. Of course I am friends with a lot of guys I would not marry, but dating-wise I feel its best to give yourself time to learn who a person is before you announce you are “In a Relationship” on Facebook.
That being said, there are a few things that are total deal breakers for me. I would not date a guy who smokes. This is just a personal choice- it is not a habit I have, and I do not want my house to smell like cigarettes. I also will not date a guy who is not respectful of me and my convictions. Similar faith and values are a requirement, but there are plenty of guys who claim to be Christian then try to push the limits in private. I need someone who will help me stay accountable and not compromise.
While first impressions are not everything, they are really important and can show a glimpse of whether you will really click with another person. I’ve had my fair share of awkward first dates, including one guy who would walk a couple steps behind me and never look me in the eye (my mom said it sounded like he was intimidated… but who would be intimidated of me?!), as well as one who spilled his entire glass of water on me at Olive Garden. I do not have that much experience with dating compared to most, but I also try my best to be composed and calm as much as possible. I guess I hope for the same respect in return- that he won’t waste the entire meal talking about himself without even thinking to ask how my day was, or that he will actually open the door for me.
The biggest issue is just one of communication. In the movie “Hitch,” Will Smith’s character reminds guys that if you are on a first date you need to remember that the girl has already said yes when she could have said no. This is a very true statement- even if I have some reservations about a guy’s personality and whether there will be a spark, something about him made me say yes and he should stop fidgeting with his napkin, look me in the eye, and say something that makes me laugh. While being single is not always easy, at least I know I am good at it. Dating is also difficult at times, but I am sure that eventually the right guy will come along and remember that his glass needs to stay upright.
Tags: Dating, love, Relationships, Romance
I wrote this a month ago and a lot has changed since then
. I am now in a great relationship with a guy who knows how to communicate and who still opens the car door for me (even if it means getting stuck in the landscaping). He also makes me laugh, appreciates my focus on my family, and has yet to dump his drink on me. Hindsight really is 20/20!
A LOT has changed for you. This is wonderful news! You send a very positive signal to other single woman that’s it’s ok to have a list of “deal-breakers” and you don’t have to settle for less. Quality men are out there just waiting for their chance with an imperfect woman who has class, smarts, looks – the whole package!
Congratulations Liz on your new found relationship. You sound very happy and that is always a good thing. You write beautifully.
I think it is really important not to compromise your values but I also think it is equally important to keep an open mind about situations until you really get a good feel for it.
There are some things in my book that are absolutes also. Smoking is one and excessive drinking and drugs would be another. I would rather be single than to put up with these behaviors. There are other things I could and do let slide – like an excessive addiction to watching sports or anything that remotely resembles a sport on TV or in person (including commercials about sports or sport’s figures.)
Yes, congratulations Liz! I think this goes to show that you had your head in the right place and it paid off for you.
I totally agree about the smoking. That and self-centeredness are probably the biggest potential turn-offs for me.
Congrats Liz on the new relationship! I hope he’s a keeper.
I really identified with your likes and dislikes…those were mine in the dating day. I came across my share of “posers” regarding religion and that was so disappointing to me when a guy just didn’t live up to what he was presenting.
Please keep this one that you listed at the top of your list… I also will not date a guy who is not respectful of me and my convictions.
A man has got to have respect for his woman and vice versa. That’s how friendship, trust, and love grows daily.