What would you do if you caught your friend’s significant other cheating? Do you tell your friend that their partner is cheating and risk her/him turning on you? One thing that you might want to take into consideration is whether or not your friend will actually believe you. It is very possible that your friend may not want to admit that their partner is cheating, so even if your friend does believe you, he or she may accuse you of lying instead. You might want to have some proof before you spill the beans.
Do you keep it to yourself and risk her/him finding out that you knew? If you choose this path and your friend finds out, not only will your friend feel very hurt and betrayed, but he or she may never trust you again.
If you have a good relationship with your friend’s partner, be prepared for that to change. If you choose to inform your friend, you must also be prepared for your friend’s partner to harbor feelings towards you that will range on a scale from resentment to complete contempt.
All the way around, this seems like a situation where no one comes out feeling good about the circumstances. Even a relationship between best friends can become ruined when you share that you saw a spouse cheat, as unfair as it may seem. In the end, it really might just come down to what type of friends you are and if you are willing to risk your friendship.
What are your thoughts? Would you tell a friend?
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10 Responses to Every Friend’s Worst Nightmare
NO NO NO NO…..NEVER get involved under any circumstance, If you told you end up being the bad person. Why would you want to hurt a friend? If anything you could tell the cheating spouse that he or she should stop.- with them thinking you would tell. BUT NEVER EVER TELL.
Thankfully, I have never been put in this position. It’s a difficult call. I do know I would not feel loyal if I didn’t do or say something.
I lean towards talking to the cheating spouse.
I don’t think there is any ideal way to handle this. You are kind of dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t.
Perhaps somebody with some real world experience will weigh in….I’m in over my head!
I remember when I used to read Dear Abby in my younger days, Abby was adamant that you should not tell your friend. One of her rationales, I recall, was that the friend might very well know and you’d only succeed in humiliating her by letting her know that you know. I think she may have changed her advice later, after the AIDS epidemic – she saw it more as a health and safety issue at that point.
I think a lot depends on your relationship with your friend – the closer you are the more inclined to tell I would think you’d be. I agree that confronting the cheater might be a good first step.
I don’t think there’s any right answer, really – it really is just a lousy situation. I can’t help but be influenced by being sure that I would want to know, if the shoe were on the other foot. So I guess I do lean towards telling, at least in situations where the person is a very close friend.
I would want to know. I would be furious with my friends if they knew and didn’t tell me. I dont know how in the world you begin that conversation but I think it would only be harming them in the long run to keep quiet. Great topic!
I don’t want to admit I have some experience about this topic. My bf told me my guy was cheating and as much as it hurt to hear her tell me all the details she knew about the situation I was glad she told me. She’s my friend/sister and I trust her and she got my back like I have her’s. It’s about friendship and sometimes life hurts but it’s better to know from someone you trust then hear it through the grapevine and find out later your peep, your bf you trust with your secrets knew about the cheating and she didn’t have the respect to tell you when she found out. Of course, you don’t want to give your friend bad news and further in the pain but at least their is a shoulder to cry on and get support. It’s never a good situation but for me I was glad I was told. Someone may feel different and not want to know.
I vote to tell only if you have concrete evidence (like pictures), otherwise talk to the cheating spouse (presumably you are close enough) first and issue a semi-ultimatum, something like “I’ll tell if you won’t”. I think it’s ultimately important that the friend finds out, because it’s probably humiliating to think that everyone knows but you. I think the humiliation can sometimes be even more devastating than the cheating, because then all of your next moves might be characterized by what other people think.
I’ve had a similar experience as Darlene. My friend told me my bf was cheating on me and I didn’t want to believe her. Denial. I resented her for awhile but she and I are still good friends, maybe even better friends, and the guy is long gone.
I would tend to tell a very good friend if their other was cheating if I had proof as Jasmine stated. I would be even more inclined to tell if everyone else in their circle of friends knew but were staying out of it. Iwouldn’t want my friend to feel humiliated.
I don’t think I would care what the significant other thought about me.
Most women suspect, but don’t want to know. With me it would depend on how good a friend she was. Other wise I would tell the guy I was aware of his cheating actions. I had a customer that was making advances towards my girls. I meant with him, and informed him the girls were there to work, not for his pleasure. Ended that problem!! he he
If it were my best friend, I would tell her pronto. If it were someone I knew from church or school, etc., I would probably keep my mouth shut for reasons Jennie and Dear Abbey mentioned earlier.
I probably would tell my best friend right away also if I was sure. If the person was just a casual friend, I might talk to the cheating partner first. I have never had to experience this dilemma and I am thankful for that. I guess there is no easy answers and it does depend on a lot of factors and how they fall.
Thanks to those that shared personal experiences.