Written by Diana
I was on the phone with my daughter-in-law this evening. We talked about my grandchildren mostly. My son and his wife’s anniversary is coming up. They will be celebrating eight years of marriage. We talked for about twenty minutes and then said our good byes.
I love my daughter-in-law, Amy. She IS one of my daughters. She is a wonderful, sweet, loving , kind , faithful and beautiful young woman . Our family was blessed when she married my son.
After we hung up the phone I remembered something. It is strange sometimes how we forget things. Names, dates, places. Even monumental moments. I for one have a very poor memory. I always have. But tonight, after we got off of the phone I remembered something. A date, a forgotten memory.
Strange that I had forgotten this date- it was quite monumental. I am where I am now because of this date in time. The conversation with my daughter-in-law about their anniversary brought it all back.
October 8th, 1977
That was the day that I married Frank, my son and daughter’s father.
Oh what a tumultuous time in our lives that was . The story of our relationship would take up far too much time for me to tell you now. I could write a book about it.
In a nutshell it is what ultimately taught me that everything happens for a reason. We were married for twelve years before we divorced, and were together for seventeen years total. I met him when I was fourteen. That is when my life changed drastically. I can’t say that my life would have been better had I not met him.
While he lead me down roads that you would not want your child to go down, I gave birth to two amazing human beings because of him. I am so proud of my son. He is a good man and a good father. I am proud of my daughter- she is a wonderful woman. They are both extremely hard workers.
I am grateful to my ex-husband for these lovely human beings that contribute to the world everyday.
I know that he loved me. I loved him too. But he was not my soul mate. He passed away at the age of 36. He drank so heavily that he ultimately bled to death internally.
I left him six months before his death. Before, even though I knew in my heart that things were not right I stayed. I went to A.A. to learn how to deal with his alcoholism. That is what gave me the strength to say goodbye. That and my eleven year old son coming to me one night and saying “Mom, I can’t take this anymore.”
I didn’t want to give up on my vows. I am a very good friend. I will stay through thick and thin. But when my child hurts or suffers I have to give up.
It was a sad death. It was a loss. It was a shame. It was a tragedy. Someday I will tell you more. For now, it’s the lesson that was the most important thing to come from this story.
Everything that we do has a consequence. Everything that happens to us affects other people. Everything- everything happens for a reason.
To every season.
Want to hear more from Diana? You can visit her blog here.
Tags: anniversary, divorce, family issues, in-laws
Diana, thank you for sharing your story. I know a few friends who stick with a man, just because and they are not thinking of the best circumstance for their life. They are not happy and for the life of me, I don’t know why they stay with these men who just don’t respect them. You were strong enough to realize that you needed to leave. What a wonderful mom you are for giving your kids a great life.
Thanks, too, for the reminder that our actions have consequences. In our hectic lives, this lesson is often on the back burner.
Thanks for the story, Diana. I admire that you are grateful for the children he gave you. It’s a testament to what a good mother you must be that your son took away the right lesson from his difficult childhood. My own parents have always said, “You learn how to parent from your parents. You either do what they did, or you avoid making their mistakes.” It sounds like your children knew to be parents like you and avoid their father’s mistakes.
Diana,
You sound like a very strong, loving person. It is wonderful how you can look past the pain your marriage must have cost you and focus on the gifts. What a wonderful legacy for your children and grandchildren.
This is beautifully written and I could tell really came from the heart. Diana, you did the right thing and I don’t believe anyone would think differently. Alcoholism is a terrible disease and makes it difficult for everyone to cope including the alcoholic. Thanks for sharing this and I wish you the best.
I am grateful to my ex-husband for these lovely human beings that contribute to the world everyday. – Diana
This sentence really struck me. It’s a very accepting and beautiful concept and I think it says a lot about you and the person you have become.
As someone who has experienced living with an alcoholic parent, I will say without a doubt that you did the best thing for your kids. And I know it wasn’t easy in a myriad of different ways to have to leave, be a single parent, etc. I am happy you all have come through safely on the other side.
Thanks for sharing your writing with us.
Diana, thanks for sharing. I hope someone else may be helped by your story. I’m sure it was all very painful. I’m glad you have come through it in such a strong way. It’s very hard for some women to give up on those vows. It’s a scary thing to break away to hope for something better for you and your children. I was touched by your story and the healthy attitude you carry.