By Ann
Every Christmas I begin the season with good intentions to keep our Christmas simple. Every year I fail. As Thanksgiving approaches, I start hinting to my family that we will be cutting back this year. I promise myself that I won’t make too many cookies, I won’t make the gingerbread house, and I’ll keep spending under control. I start the season making a modest gift list to guide my shopping. Yet, as Christmas nears, my inner Santa Claus starts to panic. I bake and freeze “just one more type” of Christmas cookie, so that no one misses one of his favorites. By December 22nd, I waste an evening struggling to put the gingerbread house together. Our beautiful pile of gifts turns into a mountain of excess. Sigh! Will this year be any different?
Three years ago, I tackled my Christmas cookie problem. My mother is a wonder baker at any time of the year, but she shines at Christmas. She makes dozens and dozens of cookies. Every day during Christmas week, her table holds huge, beautiful trays of treats. When I had my own family, I wanted to do the same for my children. As the years went by, I added more cookies to the “must make” list. This tradition became drudgery, a chore. Two years ago, I asked my family if I could cut down on all the cookies I baked, and every one of them agreed. They want me to enjoy Christmas. My solution was to stop doubling recipes. I let each person choose one favorite. That would mean five kinds of cookies, and when they were gone, they were gone. Yes, we ran out in three days, but guess what? Nanny had tons for us to take home anyway!
Last year I read about an idea taken from the Bible. Set a limit of three gifts per person, to imitate the three gifts brought to the baby Jesus by the wise men. I love this idea. Not only does it set a reasonable limit, but it provides a connection to Christ. I made an honest attempt to hold fast to this rule. I failed last year, and I am going to fail again this year. I can think of so many gifts to get, sales are too tempting, and I just can’t shake the fear that I will disappoint my children. I always had a generous pile of gifts as a child, and I can’t imagine not doing that for my own. I already bought three gifts for some of my children, and I didn’t even look for the “big Santa gift” yet. Maybe next year I will try again.
As for the gingerbread house? Every year that task looms ahead, threatening to turn me into Scrooge. By the time the house is together, I am so frustrated and miserable, no one wants to be anywhere near me. Not one child will even approach when the royal icing is hardening in the piping bag and the candy dots fall all over the floor. There is a reason Hansel and Gretel found a witch living inside one of those houses. They are messy, sticky, easily broken, and not nearly as delicious as they look. Skipping the gingerbread house is one promise to myself that I intend to keep.
Do you overspend and over bake at Christmas? Are you a slave to your traditions, or have you struck that blissful balance between doing it all and letting go? How do you keep Christmas simple?
Tags: Christmas, christmas cookies, Christmas gifts, christmas traditions, Gingerbread House, Simple Christmas
I made things a little simpler this year by not buying for extended family members, we are only buying for our kids and our parents this year. The last few years we have just been trading gift cards anyway so I sent everyone an email letting them know to not send our family a gift but to spend the money they planned to spend on us on their own family. It was just silly to keep trading gift cards.
When I was growing up we never had money so Christmas was always hard, I can remember many years when we didn’t have any gifts or a tree. I never want my kids to experience anything like that so I tend to overspend on their gifts. I try to limit it but its really hard.
Wow, I almost feel guilty saying I’m impressed with all you do for Christmas, since you are making an effort to simplify. I bet your kids are going to have fantastic memories of Christmas, except maybe for the gingerbread house…you give a convincing argument for ending that tradition.
I love the concept of simplifying Christmas, but it seems there are so many different viewpoints on it within my immediate family, not to mention extended family and friends. We do work within a fixed budget, an amount we put in savings early in the year, and that’s all we spend. The immediate family gift buying goes pretty smoothly…it’s the nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, in-laws, coworkers, etc. that make it crazy. As for cooking traditions, I always make caramel popcorn and peanut brittle, but not in quantities that are too demanding.
This year we are doing something new and simple in my husband’s family. Each of us will buy a funny (we hope) mug, and put the name of the charity of our choice on a piece of paper inside. We’ll have a money collection, no fixed amount, just whatever the family member wants to put in. The mugs will be distributed in some sort of “Dirty Santa” fashion, but the main thing is the charity names will be collected in a bowl, and one of those names will be drawn by my mother-in-law. That charity gets the money collection. I’m kind of excited about it, and this is supposed to be the only gift given at this get-together.
This year is a different type of Christmas. I scaled way back on the decorations because we are moving right after the new year. My children only expect choc chip cookies and peanut butter fudge so that part is easy and fun.
Overall, it’s been much easier to simplify as our family got older. We don’t need as much anymore. I like practical things and am asking for new bath towels and a dish drainer. Not exciting, but I like using every day things a that were given as gifts. Last year, I asked for spices and my mom and one of my sons got me a bunch. It’s nice to think of them when I reach for one.
It’s my experience that most of the holiday responsibilities rest on the shoulders of the mom/wife. It’s a lot to make happen. I hate to work so hard that there’s no joy in the events. I hate being too tired for the fun. Good luck in simplifying Ann, it’s a good theory but hard to put in place. Those sales are so good. LOL, at you skipping the gingerbread house. I agree, they are not delicious. We do those Family Dollar Willy Wonka ones. They are pretty easy to put together and my little one and a friend each get one to decorate. They only eat the candy though. I always wonder how old the gingerbread is in those things.
stxmom, I just can’t imagine the holidays w/o anything. I know my parents experienced that and they worked hard to make sure we always a bright Christmas. I’m sure yours will have wonderful memories of those times.
Mary, I love the mug and charity idea. I have never heard of a funny mug exchange. I’m hanging onto that thought.
Our Xmas has always been about our children and gifts. A few years ago Gabe, our youngest son wanted to skip buying gifts for each other and just go away for the weekend and spend time together. That did not work because our daughter-in-law Aly has always been very big into the gift part of Xmas and insisted it continue. Aly also has many many Xmas’s with extended family on her side around the holidays, she was never able to find a free weekend.
Over the last few years we have cut back on the amount we spent and last year my husband and I made each of our sons a home made gift. I do believe that was Gabe’s favorite gift from us. We aslo did only three gifts each. It was extremely hard to maintain that limit but as I look back it was the right thing to do.
This year we will be honoring Gabe’s request from previous years of no gifts. We will all just spend some time together – only he is not here to spend the time with us. The four of us will be going to Green Bay to see a Packer’s game and the tile we had placed at Lambeau for him. Finally there is the understanding in our family of the importance of Xmas.
I apologize, I forgot to put Ann’s byline on this post.
Thanks
Christmas is always such a hard time for me since my mother passed on Dec 13 a few years back and it was her favorite holiday. For some reason until her death date passes I am never in the spirit for Christmas. But what I do is keep it simple for the most part, I keep my eye on bargains all year long when I know someone that might like it. I have a huge plastic container that I throw all the bargains in. When Christmas comes I have candles and other little goodies that I make into small gifts or a combo for a bigger gift. That is the blessing for working at a dept store:) For the most part I keep it simple and try for the people I buy for a gift that they need or needs replaced. I have also told most friends and extended family that a card is enough, I have everything I need most of the time if something breaks it needs replaced quickly. For myself the best part of Christmas is not the gifts it is celebrating the birth of Christ and sharing a meal with the family that I have left.
Regina and Diane,
Thanks for sharing your perspectives. We’re missing a member of the family this year, and it is going to be hard.
Our family did a memorial 5K together the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Afterwards, we went out for breakfast and planned some of our gift giving together. It was hard to leave my husband’s brother off the list. We will always have that sadness at Christmas forever more.
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Ann, so sorry for the raw loss your family will be feeling this Christmas, and you are right about that sadness, that hole being there each Christmas in the future.
So sorry to hear that so many have the same burden to bear. And it is true that once you suffer such significant loss, you do realize what is important in life.
I used to be a slave to the Christmas madness I made for myself for years. But now I don’t put any pressure on myself. I decorate as much or as little as I feel like each year, some years it is more than others, over half the boxes of decorations now sit in the attic at Christmas time and never make it downstairs. I bake as much or as little as I feel like too, some year there are batches and batches of cookies baked, and other years not a one.
The only gingerbread house we do now is a little kit we buy from the grocery store and we let the grandkids do it, it’s a Christmas mess of gumdrops, sprinkles, icing, and crumbs all over the kitchen floor, and the gingerbreadhouse is a lopsided mess, but the kids had fun making it, and we had fun watching them! I think we’ll be doing that again next weekend here.
The only gifts we buy now are for the grandkids, and we don’t go overboard with that either.
We do a Secret Santa with my family and my husband’s family (both families come to us the weekend after Christmas, both families get along very well, and so we do it altogether), so it’s only ONE gift we have to buy between both families. And not only does it make it easier, but it is so much more special to be able to concentrate on just one person to shop for, and one gift to wrap.
Depending on our financial situation Ray and I sometimes do and other years do not exchange gifts with each other. This year we agreed to buy only cards for each other. We usually exchange them on Christmas Eve or sometime after midnight so it’s probably more like early Christmas morning, and we have a glass of wine and toast each other and all the Christmases we’ve been Blessed to share with each other.
And I’ve found that keeping Christmas simple is the best way to keep Christ in Christmas.
I hope that everyone celebrating Christmas has a very Blessed one!
Mary, I love the mug exchange idea.
Regina and others who are dealing with loss this Christmas — you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you find some peace surrounded by those you love, but I also know Christmas will not be the same for you.
Ann, I struggle the same as you do. I think it’s different when there are still children in the home and I do feel a certain pressure to maintain traditions from year to year, even when they are no longer as much fun. I am hopeful I can begin to move closer to Eileen’s way of doing things in the coming years….
Ann- I feel your pain, especially from the shopping standpoint. May I suggest a store bought gingerbread kit? They are cute and all you have to do is decorate which is the fun part!
Ann – I can relate to you on just about every point you brought up. I, too, am a baker and each year I want to try “just one more” recipe. You know, I never thought about freezing them — that is brilliant!
I can still recall three years ago when I was 9 mos pregnant baking for two solid days. I could hardly walk on Christmas eve! As far as presents go, I cut back on “store bought gifts” some years ago and try to do more personal stuff with baked goods and photos. This year, however, I think my H and I are going to give some gifts of Netflix! So far, that has been a huge hit for birthdays! I LOVE the 3 gifts limit idea!
Thanks for the wonderful story and Merry Christmas to you and yours!
My extended family has definitely simplified things over the years. We use to buy all brother and sisters gifts as well as parents. Then we added our niecesand nephews into the mix. As there were more and more grandchildren it became next to impossible to buy for everyone not only financially but logistically also since we were so spread apart. We dropped the sister and brother gifts and just did parents and niecesand nephews. After the youngest of the nieces and nephews reached the age of 18 we dropped getting that gift and just went to a family type gift(except for a nephew that snuck in there and is only six.) . Most years it was a Christmas tree ornament or Christmas decoration of some sort. We now have dropped that and just buy for our parents and our own children.
Personally my husband and I have cut way back with gift giving for each other and with our children. My kids never asked for what we bought them. We just wanted to do it. It was more for us than for them.
I have also scaled back on my decorating and baking. I had high expectations. No one else did. I have a better time now over the holidays because I have more time to enjoy everyone.
I’m not great at the simplification thing either, though at least I don’t have a large family whose growing unwieldiness threatens to break the bank, gift-wise.
I feel bad because I do some of the rituals of Christmas (decorating,baking) with less enthusiasm each year. It’s become kind of a chore, and it stresses me out (I know, join the club). I wish I could be more joyful about it. I do enjoy it it, but I enjoy when it’s over, too.
Ann, I’m totally with you on the gingerbread house! Many years ago, my one attempt to make one led to one of my many baking-related nervous breakdowns. To be precise, it was the keeping-the-house-from-falling-down part that I couldn’t manage. Gingerbread houses are cute to look at, but the stuff you have to do to keep them upright (fondant like cement, sticking them to a cardboard interior) render them inedible. Add “having to keep them from attracting ants” and they just aren’t worth it to me.
Ann- I feel your pain, especially from the shopping standpoint. May I suggest a store bought gingerbread kit? They are cute and all you have to do is decorate which is the fun part!
No, Samantha. I am not making it this year. I am buying peppermint ice cream and eating that instead. Isn’t that a great tradition?
I love the mug idea too, Mary. It’s fun and feel-good.
I was never very good at making the “Hallmark” Christmas. My sister’s tree is always perfect and her house is beautiful. I just don’t have the Martha Stewart gene
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My 11 year old son has always been very anti-Christmas. I have mentioned before, that he is autistic. He is scared of Christmas trees, Santa, and dislikes Christmas songs. He is ok with the story of the Nativity. So, he has brought me back to what Christmas is about. I do decorate a Christmas tree for my older son and put it in the living room.(My younger son doesn’t go near the living room for the month of December.) Strangely enough, last year my younger son decided it would be ok for him to have a cactus to put presents around. I went to the party store and found an inflatable cactus that they have for Cinco de Mayo. I wrapped a garland around it and that is his Christmas. He certainly has simplified Christmas at our house.
It’s a crazy life, but it’s our life
Wendy, how sweet. I love your husband’s cactus idea. I’m so impressed with how you solved the problem.
A mom from a school that I work with told me she lives in a cramped inner-city apartment with her husband and 3 kids, and the only space she has for a tree was the ceiling. She got a roll of butcher paper, spray painted it green, cut strips into parts of a pine tree and started taping the bottom about 2 feet from the ceiling, building up the wall and then onto the ceiling. Paper snow flakes hang down as ornaments and Santa leaves a pile of gifts in the middle of the floor. She took a picture for me and it is so creative and pretty…almost magical. Her girls helped to cut snowflakes and cut the strips, so they got to help “put up the tree.”
Aw, Wendy, I love your cactus story!
There’s an old Chinese expression, The perfect is the enemy of the good.
If things have to be perfect and really special and wonderful it is easy to flog yourself harder to achieve that and still end up feeling you’ve failed or let down afterwards. The gingerbread house is one thing – I let the kids do it. It doesn’t look the way it would if I had done it myself, or bought one at the bakery, that’s for SURE! The goal is to have a good time and limit the amount of spilled icing that gets tracked via someone’s socks or slippers, onto my living room rug, to a minimum. That’s it. It looked better this year because only my 19 year old daughter was interested in helping and she’s pretty artistic – but it doesn’t have to be perfect. Last year my son made snowmen for the yard around the house, so cute! we thought. Then I noticed he had put a little pile of snow dog poop – (chocolate chips) out there too. lol Well, that was his contribution, so I left it. The thing will get thrown out anyhow, it’s the process not the end result that matters. I’m impressed you do five kinds of cookies. I do sugar cookies and my SIL sends a container of traditional ones, and that is all they get – we are more pie people.
We do limit what we give to others and we limit spending on toys for the kids. I love the 3 presents idea. We do stockings and one large gift (this year we did the large gift as a family gift and got Wii Sport) and those are the fun things; they also get needed items like clothes, or any sports equipment that has worn out or broken. We draw for the extended family by household – with a $50 limit it’s easy to send gift cards like Amazon or Barnes and Noble.
We also try to do experiences rather than things. We go to a show, if not the Nutcracker or A Christmas Carole then something like Stomp or to the Museum for an exhibit and IMax movie. We go to the movies as a family on Christmas day and go to the book store the next day and get books. I have never asked my kids to draw a list up of things they want, that to me is somewhat not the spirit of Christmas, we aren’t super religious but at least try to keep it about family instead of loot.
I enjoy it more now that the kids are older – we all pitch in on dinner and clean up so it’s not all left to me. mom knocking herself out to spoil her family and ending up exhausted and broke only worked up to a point.