If things have to be perfect and really special and wonderful it is easy to flog yourself harder to achieve that and still end up feeling you’ve failed or let down afterwards. The gingerbread house is one thing – I let the kids do it. It doesn’t look the way it would if I had done it myself, or bought one at the bakery, that’s for SURE! The goal is to have a good time and limit the amount of spilled icing that gets tracked via someone’s socks or slippers, onto my living room rug, to a minimum. That’s it. It looked better this year because only my 19 year old daughter was interested in helping and she’s pretty artistic – but it doesn’t have to be perfect. Last year my son made snowmen for the yard around the house, so cute! we thought. Then I noticed he had put a little pile of snow dog poop – (chocolate chips) out there too. lol Well, that was his contribution, so I left it. The thing will get thrown out anyhow, it’s the process not the end result that matters. I’m impressed you do five kinds of cookies. I do sugar cookies and my SIL sends a container of traditional ones, and that is all they get – we are more pie people.

We do limit what we give to others and we limit spending on toys for the kids. I love the 3 presents idea. We do stockings and one large gift (this year we did the large gift as a family gift and got Wii Sport) and those are the fun things; they also get needed items like clothes, or any sports equipment that has worn out or broken. We draw for the extended family by household – with a $50 limit it’s easy to send gift cards like Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

We also try to do experiences rather than things. We go to a show, if not the Nutcracker or A Christmas Carole then something like Stomp or to the Museum for an exhibit and IMax movie. We go to the movies as a family on Christmas day and go to the book store the next day and get books. I have never asked my kids to draw a list up of things they want, that to me is somewhat not the spirit of Christmas, we aren’t super religious but at least try to keep it about family instead of loot.

I enjoy it more now that the kids are older – we all pitch in on dinner and clean up so it’s not all left to me. mom knocking herself out to spoil her family and ending up exhausted and broke only worked up to a point.

A mom from a school that I work with told me she lives in a cramped inner-city apartment with her husband and 3 kids, and the only space she has for a tree was the ceiling. She got a roll of butcher paper, spray painted it green, cut strips into parts of a pine tree and started taping the bottom about 2 feet from the ceiling, building up the wall and then onto the ceiling. Paper snow flakes hang down as ornaments and Santa leaves a pile of gifts in the middle of the floor. She took a picture for me and it is so creative and pretty…almost magical. Her girls helped to cut snowflakes and cut the strips, so they got to help “put up the tree.”

No, Samantha. I am not making it this year. I am buying peppermint ice cream and eating that instead. Isn’t that a great tradition?

I love the mug idea too, Mary. It’s fun and feel-good.

I feel bad because I do some of the rituals of Christmas (decorating,baking) with less enthusiasm each year. It’s become kind of a chore, and it stresses me out (I know, join the club). I wish I could be more joyful about it. I do enjoy it it, but I enjoy when it’s over, too.

Ann, I’m totally with you on the gingerbread house! Many years ago, my one attempt to make one led to one of my many baking-related nervous breakdowns. To be precise, it was the keeping-the-house-from-falling-down part that I couldn’t manage. Gingerbread houses are cute to look at, but the stuff you have to do to keep them upright (fondant like cement, sticking them to a cardboard interior) render them inedible. Add “having to keep them from attracting ants” and they just aren’t worth it to me.

Personally my husband and I have cut way back with gift giving for each other and with our children. My kids never asked for what we bought them. We just wanted to do it. It was more for us than for them.

I have also scaled back on my decorating and baking. I had high expectations. No one else did. I have a better time now over the holidays because I have more time to enjoy everyone.

I can still recall three years ago when I was 9 mos pregnant baking for two solid days. I could hardly walk on Christmas eve! As far as presents go, I cut back on “store bought gifts” some years ago and try to do more personal stuff with baked goods and photos. This year, however, I think my H and I are going to give some gifts of Netflix! So far, that has been a huge hit for birthdays! I LOVE the 3 gifts limit idea!

Thanks for the wonderful story and Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Regina and others who are dealing with loss this Christmas — you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you find some peace surrounded by those you love, but I also know Christmas will not be the same for you.

Ann, I struggle the same as you do. I think it’s different when there are still children in the home and I do feel a certain pressure to maintain traditions from year to year, even when they are no longer as much fun. I am hopeful I can begin to move closer to Eileen’s way of doing things in the coming years….