Written by Samantha –

(The best of IW – Practically Perfect revisited)

My dishwasher hates me. It’s true. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that appliances don’t have the ability to hate or plot these little “malfunctions”. That false sense of security is how they’re able to sneak attack. Most of the time my dishwasher does what I ask of it. Well, sort of. I still have to pre-rinse everything and hand wash the silverware and glasses or they come out covered in water spots- but I’ve come to terms with that. On some days however, “it” as I’ve resentfully dubbed it, has a very skewed idea of what washing my dishes should entail.

About once a month, typically on a day when I’m feeling fairly confident that my dishes will be cleaned without incident- my dishwasher attacks me. Don’t scoff, it’s true. It very quietly pours water out all over the kitchen floor. Hoping that when I go back into the kitchen, trusting soul that I am, I will slip and fall and break any number of body parts. My husband is convinced that this happens because of something I did wrong during the loading process- poor naive man. I’m happy to report that it hasn’t gotten me- yet.

Granted there have been some very close calls. The most recent “attack” was a couple of days ago, while I was chatting on the phone with my sister. It likes to wait until I’m distracted. All of a sudden my feet flew out from under me. I had to grab the handle of the refrigerator door to keep from going down on my back. I wasn’t hurt this time, but I was left with a floor full of water to clean up and I swear “it” smirked at me.

So let this be a warning: the next time your oven burns the dessert you worked so hard on (even though you know you just checked it), or the washing machine decides that it doesn’t like doing laundry, or your alarm clock tires of waking you, or your computer “freezes”, or your hairdryer goes out on you when you’re already late for work. . . . . know that it’s not your fault. Your appliances are plotting against you.