By Erin
It is 3:00 on a Tuesday afternoon and I’m waiting in the carpool line at a suburban elementary school. In front of me is a BMW, behind me a Lexus SUV. My car is a Pontiac and the kid I’m waiting for isn’t mine. By all estimations, I’m an outsider.Yet, just being in the presence of all of these moms gives me an overwhelming desire to blend in.
Enter the parents of the “walking” children and I was beginning to notice a trend. Every mom that walked by looked the same as the one before. They all wore designer clothes with Burberry Rain boots. They were all in great physical shape and they walked in pairs. I was beginning to wonder if I had entered an alternate universe or a promo for Desperate Housewives.
Why was I feeling so inferior? I’m a highly educated professional with a respectable job. Yet somehow I felt I was back in high school and the popular girls were walking by. I was pretty sure I would never fit in.
It was then that it hit me, we never outgrow comparing ourselves to others. We watch what other women eat, wear and buy. We even take note of how they spend their leisure time. “Suzy is health nut. She’s always at the gym.” “Tim and Gina just bought a shore house.” “Megan’s son is already reciting the alphabet and he’s only 15 months!” Compare, compare then complain that we can’t compare. It’s a never ending cycle and it usually ends in a trip to the fridge for that gallon of ice cream.
The nagging truth is that we aren’t going to live like our neighbors and thank God! Because for all we know Suzy is spending so much time at the gym because she’s scared to death that her husband might leave her for his 20 year-old secretary. Maybe Megan’s son is reciting the alphabet but his parents are on the verge of divorce because Megan spends most of her time coddling junior and ignores the needs of her husband. As someone who has the opportunity to get to know hundreds of families from all walks of life, I can say this for certain: There is always a crack in the concrete.
So embrace your imperfections and if all else fails, take comfort in the fact that everyone knows Gina’s Burberry rain boots are knock offs.
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Comments
8 Responses to On Being Imperfect
Wow. Great piece, Erin.
For me, what I think is important to remember is the majority of that which we compare on is surface stuff – physical appearance, clothes, type of car, number of exotic vacations taken, etc. etc. They don’t really reveal much about the inner person or whether they are truly happy.
I do think we all do these comparisons. It’s part of human nature and difficult to completely stop. That said, as I have gotten older, I think I find myself doing it a little less. I am more forgiving of myself and others. I can be happy for others good fortune and not feel it reflects badly on me. Of course, I still have my sensitive areas – ones more likely to make me feel inferior. We all do.
As you said, there is “always in crack in the concrete” so I think we do ourselves and our fellow women a favor when we are honest enough to share our shortcomings and shout - “I’m not perfect, but I don’t have to be!”
Thanks, Erin, I have no idea why we do it, but we do. (Did they really have the same boots on?)
The nagging truth is that we aren’t going to live like our neighbors and thank God! -Erin
Thank God, indeed. Like Anya, I am much more confident in my 40s than I was in my 20s. I have a wonderful, far-from-perfect life. It’s best to count your blessings and be grateful.
I am currently battling cancer, in the early stages, but it sure has given me some perspective.
I’m 48 years old, or young, depending on how I feel each day.
As hard as this is (and it’s more scary than anything) I am so grateful to have let go of the little things that used to be important.
I wish I could give all of you this sense of how lucky we are to be alive. But it doesn’t work that way, we tend to take things for granted.
Why is it that we have to have major problems before we appreciate everyday things?
I hate to sound preachy, that’s not my point. I’m just frustrated that it takes something so major to make me shift my priorities.
Thank God, indeed. Like Anya, I am much more confident in my 40s than I was in my 20s. I have a wonderful, far-from-perfect life. It’s best to count your blessings and be grateful.-Ann
Count me in on that, too Ann. It’s wonderful having a confident sense of self, a path that was already taken and the excitement of finding more to go, an established career, and feel only that I have to answer to myself.
It is only human to compare. But, it’s best when one doesn’t get caught up in that comparison because we are our own individual selves and that’s what makes us who we are and to embrace that, life is good.
Well said, Erin!
Happy Mom,
You are so right. I think it’s one of the greatest tragedies of the human condition. We never know what we had until it’s gone or we’re in danger of losing it.
We all waste so much time…..Im at a point in my life where I realize it more and more each day.
Yes, we do waste so much time worrying about the silliest things. None of us get that much time – even those who make to their 90′s. We need to find our passions and embrace them without worrying about others. But it is easier said than done.
I agree with everything that has been said so far. I will have to say that for me it has gotten easier to embrace my imperfections as I have aged.
I no longer need to put make up on before I go out in public. I am content in driving my 6 year old car and plan on keeping it until I am forced to replace it. I want to downsize my house and have less to take care of. The most important thing that comes to mind when I am buying clothes is that they are comfortable.
There are a few things that are important to me and family is the biggest. Life experiences and death of a loved one changes your perspective on a lot of things. I am embracing living a simpler life and all of the imperfections that come my way.