By Pam

Can a man really be “just friends” with a woman? A woman with a man? I asked my 24 year old son this question and he said “No way!” I reminded him that I have had a platonic friendship with my good friend Bill for over 14 years. He said “Well it is different with old people.”

Ok, I will give him that to a degree. Those of us that are more “mature” (I am not that old but I do remember thinking my parents were ready for the nursing home when they were my age) are more confident and capable of sustaining a platonic friendship without it developing into something more amorous. As you grow older, you have a wealth of history with a variety of relationships to draw from and make informed decisions.

My husband would agree and has no problem with my friendship with Bill. Even 14 years ago when I was younger, thinner and actually might have had the energy to have an affair, my husband did not give me any flack. I am thankful for my husband’s acceptance of my friendship with Bill because he has become like a brother to me and I can not imagine not having him in my life.

However, I am not so naive that I can’t see where platonic relationships could be a recipe for disaster. Your perspective can shift. Suddenly you see your friend as desirable, but he or she still sees you as only a friend. It becomes uncomfortable when somebody likes you more than you like them. Feelings get hurt and suddenly their is no relationship at all. Disappointment and anger is where this relationship will end.

I would have to say that I would answer yes, that platonic friendships even with married friends are not only possible but can be successful, fulfilling and thrive. There are boundaries that have to be drawn and you must make sure that you do not put yourself in a situation where someone-including your spouse- could misconstrue the truth from the perception.

How about you? Do you have a platonic friendship with the opposite sex? Does your spouse? Are they successful?