By Erin
So I did some research and there are approximately 1 million variations of columns and/or blogs just like this one. They’re called “The Spinster Diaries”, “A Spinster Diary,” “Spinster Tales” and “God help me, I’m a Spinster” (ok, I made that last one up).
Libraries could be filled with the words of young (and some not so young) women longing to share their dating woes and life stories. Some are very clever. Some will bore you to tears. Some will make those of you in a relationship run home, grab the face of your partner and kiss him on the mouth while crying “Thank GOD I’m not single.”
Thank God, indeed. Because while marriage and relationships certainly have their pitfalls, it sure beats meeting Mr. Nose Hair or Mr. ‘I- wear- tight- jeans- pulled-up-to-my-man-boobs’ on a blind date. Sure, he may refuse to do housework, but he isn’t blowing up your phone with text messages that say “So, do you still want to talk?” Chances are, you are begging your man to call when I can’t get Jim Bob to leave me alone. “For the last time, Jimbob, When you started talking Star Wars, you killed it for me!” “That’s it, I’m done” I say to myself. “I’m never going on another blind date again!” And then….
The loneliness sets it. I get invited to be in yet another wedding (Thank you for picking fuchsia as the bridesmaids dress color. I can’t wait to relive the 80s. No, really…) with an invitation that reads “Spinster…and guest.” You know what, there is never a guest. There may never be one because I’m starting to believe the saying that “Men are like parking spaces: The good ones are taken.”
Yep, a column written from the perspective of a single woman is not an original idea by far. But you know what, neither is getting married on Valentines day or proposing on Christmas day. So until my friends in relationships start doing something unique, I’m entitled to my moment of insipidity. Got it? Good! 
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12 Responses to The Spinster Diaries: Introducing a Very Unoriginal Idea
“God help me, I’m a Spinster”
I think we should call this post the above.
Too funny!
But I know you probably do not think this is funny. I have to admit that I can’t really relate because I was married at the age of 21 and have been married for 33 years. But I do have empathy.
There has to be a few good men still left out there? I would think. You live in fairly large city. I am glad you are being selective and making sure it is the right person for you and if you don’t find him that is ok also, I would think.
I thought of another good title for your new column…. Spinster in The City!
Oh wait… that would be Spinster and the City.
Geez, I’m sorry, but if I got a wedding invitation like that I would be insulted. Some of us have not been lucky enough to find the right person. But you know what? I refuse to settle, I’m not going to marry any old gunkoid just because he’s there and I’m at the age I should be married. I know the negative label for singleness (spinster) has been around a long time, but I don’t understand why single people are so looked down upon (more decades ago than now). Does having no husband make us less of a person? I refuse to think that way. Sure, I’m single and have no kids, but I can give the love I’d have for my own kids over to my nieces and nephews, and I have the freedom to do more and not ‘check with the husband.’ As much as I’d love to find ‘true love,’ I don’t believe that having a man equals true happiness. I’m just saying…
Cathee,
Does having no husband make us less of a person?
I do so agree with you about this but since I have been married for a long time I thought Erin might just point that out if I made that statement. I also think the stigma on being a single woman past the age of 30 doesn’t exist so much anymore.
I have the freedom to do more and not ‘check with the husband.
That is very appealing at times. Don’t tell my husband.
I’m thirty, and now with my career sorted out I’m ready to settle down–but I have never been a good dater, nor have I been good at relationships (my length of my longest relationship would make people laugh and wonder what is wrong with me). Alas, my friends have become wise to the situation–there has been no “and guest” on my last three wedding invitations and my sister in law made a comment about “you aren’t going to have kids anyway.” In my area, I think there is still a stigma to being my age and unmarried (in the county bar there are only two of us not married, and we tried to be together but it just didn’t work out). There are very few days in my life I wish I was married, but some days I wish I had a partner to pick up the slack. My lovely (and I truly mean that, I love her) keeps saying things like “This is my friend, he’s a good guy, a little bald, but he doesn’t have any kids!” I never thought I would have to go to that extreme.
I always say the grass is always greener. I’ve been married since I was 19 and I have always wondered what being on your own would’ve have felt like. No regrets…just a wondering….
I was almost 30 when I married. I didn’t think I was the “marrying kind.” i’m pretty critical. Lucky for me met a man with no faults.
I think if you are lonely or you want kids, keep looking. Just choose wisely should you decide to settle down. There is more than “spinster” and “married woman” to be nowadays.
The timing of this story is wierd. Just last week, I found a bunch of old emails I sent to a good friend. They were from 12 years ago. I was in my mid 20′s and much of the subject matter was about men. I laughed at loud at some of the things I said and couldn’t believe I used to speak so bluntly. At times, I was downright crude. I thought it would be cool if I could get them published somehow. Are there really that many columns about this subject? That’s a bit discouraging but I think I might still look into it.
Teresa E….I laughed at loud at some of the things I said and couldn’t believe I used to speak so bluntly. At times, I was downright crude. I thought it would be cool if I could get them published somehow.
How about IW? I would be fun to do a now and then retrospective!
I think what CraftyMom and others said is very true. As humans it is natural to look at the other options of all our choices and think “what if?” There is nothing wrong with that, but it also does’t mean the road we are on now is the wrong path.
I definately agree with Ann. This is one of the areas in your life where you simply don’t settle. I haven’t and I am for the (most part) happily single at 42. If I am honest it probably does have to do with not being good at dating or commitment, but when I look at some of the hell my friends and family have been through with bad marriages, I can easily live with my choice.
I do have to say, however, that some of the husbands of our IW ladies really are awesome and they have helped to restore my faith that there are good men out there!
There are absolutely good reasons for wanting to be married: wanting a partner to share your life with, wanting to raise children with someone. But I do think that the better goal is to always work on making oneself happy and contented on the inside, rather than thinking or believing that something external will do it for you, whether it’s a man or a house or a job or some shoes. It takes a while to sort through one’s expectations of her life and really believe that you have to be okay with yourself or nothing else is going to work that well.
That said, if a relationship is a goal, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with making sure you’re open and looking. It’s hard, though, and it can get discouraging. But I think it’s less hard and discouraging if you’re comfortable in your own skin and happy with where you are in your life. (Easier said than done, I know.)
Thank God, indeed. Because while marriage and relationships certainly have their pitfalls, it sure beats meeting Mr. Nose Hair or Mr. ‘I- wear- tight- jeans- pulled-up-to-my-man-boobs’ on a blind date.
Erin, Too funny and ita. I feel for younger women trying to meet new men other than at the bar scene. I remember that being a common complaint. I wish you luck Erin. It sometimes takes awhile to meet Mr. Right. It’s definitely better to wait than to settle for Mr. Wrong. I’m looking forward to the Spinster Diaries. However it all turns out, be content w/yourself and know you are worthy of waiting until the right guy pops up.
I am 42, and according to everybody including my now ex-BFF “women like me” are not supposed to get married. Though I certainly don’t fit the ugly stereotypes (butch, masculine, Rain-woman–I am told I actually look a little bit like Ashley Judd), I am a person with Asperger’s. Even the one good, cute and successful guy who would have married me and genuinely loved me was trying to fix me, and he became a hard core right-winger. If I had a dime for every person who told me I had to accept a life of spinsterhood because I am past my sell-by date, “masculine”and quirky,or I should just give up and marry Forrest Gump, I could retire in style.
Dating’s been hard for me, and men have generally treated me like crap, disposable. I was often the girl they dated before they marry somebody else. But this in part is because I live in LA and every man my age in the dating pool is waiting for Miss October. After I turned 32, and was dumped by disfunctional a successful, but impotent drunk, I decided to take matters into my own hands and figure out how to live the life I wanted to have. I have gotten most of what I want, have traveled the world, and best yet, do not have to wake up next to either a verbally abusive drunk or somebody who may be OK but I am not attracted to or can’t hold a conversation. I learned the hard way that it’s better to be alone than lonely with somebody you can’t stand.
I do not believe in Mr. Good Enough. I am sure I will be told that I will never find Mr. Right by some snarky women, and that I am angry and bitter by arrogant men who have their own share of insecurities and problems, and are probably still waiting for Ms. October (dudes! Back away from your nephew’s wardrobe, slowly!). The thing is, in my 30s and 40s, the big lesson is to learn how to like oneself and make life something you look forward to every day. For this reason, I do have a lot of friends and am always busy.
I still am hopeful I will meet somebody by accident who likes me for who I am and embraces my quirks. I look forward to seeing what smart, worthy women have to say…I think as women are outnumbering men, especially thoughtful, intelligent ones, we have to learn how to appreciate who we are and develop who we are to become, rather than live to please others we won’t be happy with in the long run.
EJ