The Spinster Diary: On Turning 30 Share on Tumblr PinExt The Spinster Diary: On Turning 30

By Erin

So, I’m 29 and I don’t know what it is but there is something that happens to a woman when she turns 30 that can barely be described with words. It is a nagging, nauseous ache in the pit of your stomach as you look back and wonder “What have I done with my life? Sure, it’s too early for a midlife crisis but in some ways it’s similar. You’ve officially transitioned from being “young” to “relatively young.” Chances are, on most occasions, no one asks you for ID when you order alcohol. You find yourself calling college students “kids” and marveling at how high school students look so young nowadays. When the clock hits 11, on most nights you are probably hitting the sack (come on, don’t lie). If you go out on the weekends you are secretly praying you can hold out until 1am. This is the time you start to hear yourself say things like “When I was your age” and “Kids today.” It’s like you went to bed one night and woke up possessed by your mother. “Help! I’m saying things I swore I’d never say.”

No, turning 30 isn’t the end of the world but on some days it sure feels like it. To be single in your twenties is expected. To be single in your thirties is like an open invitation for all of the well-meaning “You’ll find it when you least expect it” or “Don’t worry, there is a lid for every pot” statements. Thank you, I enjoy being compared to a large, round and apparently awkward piece of cookware who’s manufacturer was too lazy to make a lid, thereby causing the unsuspecting owner to have to search high and low to find one that actually fits. Are we still talking lids here or did I transition to bathing suits?

Back on topic. I’ve never really been a list person but some days I feel compelled to write down some things I want to do before I turn 30. So I put making a list on my list of things to do and then it keeps getting shoved down to the bottom when other more pressing things come up. I guess what that tells me is that the list isn’t all that important. Doing things for doing sake is not all that important either. Isn’t the point to live life? What good is doing something ‘fun’ just to say you’ve done it? Isn’t the point to enjoy what we’re doing?

Apply those questions to relationships. Isn’t the point to fall in love and enjoy your partner? It’s not about checking off something on some metaphorical list of things you MUST accomplish in life. Being single at 30 is kind of scary but not scarier than a loveless, joyless marriage. So when I blow out the candles on my cake this year I’m going to pause, take a breath, close my eyes and enter into a new way of thinking. I resolve to no longer resolve but to act and do. I’m going to throw away my preconceived notions and start to accept my life for where it today.

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