By Anya
You don’t have to be a Kate Gosselin fan to conclude that the new book by Al Walentis is an embarrassment to the lowest form of journalism – the tabloid. I hesitate to even call it a book (and apparently publishing houses both big and small agree with me).
It’s so bad that we couldn’t in good conscience place this discussion in Book Nook (a place where actual books are discussed).
Yes, I only read 15% of it (the free part), but the word “amateurish” is too good for it. And my mini-review has nothing to do with what is repeated in the manuscript because Folks – there is nothing new there. Nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Wait, Al W. does invent a few conversations that Jon Gosselin supposedly had in his head. I thought the last psychic left the Gosselin blogosphere for good?
Sage’s blog has an excellent recap and hits on many of the points that I would make except that I have already wasted 28 minutes of my summer day on this piece of dung.
Oh, and the Nosy Neighbor makes a surprise appearance? Who would have guessed? That’s a match made in heaven.
By the way, isn’t this a nice picture of Kate, Jon and Hannah? I thought I would save Al the humiliation of putting a picture up of his “book” cover. Let us just say it basically looks like something a student would attempt on their second day of a junior college graphic design class.
Loading ...
Comments
20 Responses to The Stupidest Book in the History of the Universe and the Hack who Wrote It
I was reading another blog and where they are stating that Beth Carson agreed to be interviewed by Al Walentis . I am interested to see what Beth had to say. Not interested enough to purchase it though.
Oh, the excerpt was so very hard to read. I can’t believe that’s the best he could do.
Anya, your review is fantastic! Nice selection on the pic, what a cute moment.
Thank you for the compliment! I know how you feel Anya, I had to take two Tylenol and rest after I read it, and that was just the excerpt!
I have been reading some anti Kate sites (while the Tylenol was still in force) and the book is a disappointment to some. From what I have gathered the ”bad guy” in this travesty of a book is Jon and not Kate.
I wonder if the Nosy Neighbor has contributed to Al’s book some pictures of the Gosselin home that she regularly takes. Her before and after tree planting pictures were spell binding. Oy veh!
I see where people who read the book are saying that Beth Carson spoke to Al but declined to say anything negative about the Gosselins. The blogging neighbor led me to believe that there was more to her input than that when I read her comments on her blog.
Prelude
This is a story about a hack. It’s a story about a small-town newspaper journalist whose lack of talent condemned him forever to the minor leagues. It’s the story about someone who saw his very tangential relationship to a “big story” as his ticket to respectability, fame and fortune. This is the story about the stupidest book in the history of the universe.
Being Al Walentis
A beaten man, Al Walentis brushed the Ding-Dong crumbs off of his laptop keyboard and closed it with a sigh. He called it his laptop, but like everything else in his life (including the Ding-Dongs), it was purchased on credit. But Al had a plan. He didn’t have a publisher, and he didn’t have a copy editor, and he didn’t have any natural affinity for writing. He didn’t even have any more Ding-Dongs, nor the credit left on his Visa Loser card to buy more Ding-Dongs. But he did have a plan.
His plan was to write a book about the Gosselins. How hard could it be? Al had read books before; he’d read plenty in his day. There was that one his mom used to read him before tucking him into bed with a reminder to “wake up to wee wee” and turning on his Strawberry Shortcake night light (Al thought that Strawberry Shortcake was actually a very gender-neutral role model, no matter what anyone else said). There was that one book he’d sort of read in high school…well, he’d skimmed it before the test, at least (true, he’d failed the test, but that was just because the teacher was a castrating, emasculating shrew). There had been other books since then, books he’d been…near, and had really thought about reading, before an episode of “Who’s the Boss?” came on TV and distracted him. It was his favorite episode! Every episode of “Who’s the Boss? was Al’s favorite.
But Al had shown them, he’d shown them all. He’d slipped free of all of the harpies who clawed at him daily, insisting that deodorant really should be used EVERY day, and that his unique spelling and grammar were actually incorrect, and that he really probably should see a doctor about his problem because it wasn’t *that* common. He’d done it. He’d written a book about Jon and Kate Gosselin. Now he just had to sit back and wait for the money and accolades to roll in. Al didn’t know what an accolade was; he was hoping it was chocolate and cream-filled. He really was hungry for another Ding-Dong, and the cupboard was bare.
Lol, jennie!
This book reminds me of that article that GWoP was so breathless about, way back when, by the “real” writer, that was suppposed to expose the Gosselins. It ended up being the same old stuff, just like Al’s book.
The title of this piece is too funny. I read the sample and just don’t “get” it.. Who is he?
It is trash. Period. Even the haters don’t like it. LMAO!
Jeannie, that was hysterical.
I tried to read the free part. I couldn’t make it.
At least we know there will be enough hater’s out there who will buy it, affording Al a few more Ding-Dongs while he’s waiting for the money to roll in. Alast, I think he will have a l – o – n – g wait. And I fear not enough Ding Dongs.
I agree what a waste of 30 minutes of my life I will never get back.
This man is suppose to be a professional journalist??
What a dreadful piece of crap…just more of the same.
Samantha, he’s the one who had the pimpmysextuplets blog. He might still have it, I don’t know. He worked for the Reading Eagle for a long time then worked w/USMag during the G’s split. I’ve admitted several times that I used to love the Nat. Enquirer but USMag is such a rag, their stories are usually outrageous.
Kiki, ita. I remember the Jess Remo (I’m almost sure that’s her name) article was supposed to split the truth wide open about Kate. They act like she has never had any bad press when they jump all over anything negative themselves. Over and over they say the truth will get out and her 15 minutes all almost up. They just don’t get there isn’t going to be a national vendetta against her. It’s funny that they are displeased the book didn’t back-up all their wild stories about Kate.
Jennie that is so funny.
Kate will be on Entertainment Tonight talking about her workout routine. I think I will flip over to see her. She’s getting to be a reg on a lot of these shows.
Funny review and comments, ladies. Thanks, Anya for the forewarning. I intended to buy Al’s book for beach reading, but it’s “publication” was delayed. Now I see it’s not even in a “beach-ready” binding? Maybe Al figured the people who would buy it don’t buy real books, just computer-generated gossip? I’ll pass.
Wow, ameteurish is so true!
And, who’s the one exploiting the Gosselin kids now Al? hmmm???
Although, I imagine he’s not going to get many book sales…
I hope he hasn’t put his yacht on his credit card.
Jennie, thanks alot you just made me snort Diet Pepsi up my nose!(LMAO)
I would actually be interested in what Beth had to say also…just not enough to subject myself to that garbage. It would be interesting to know why he suddenly had a change of heart & decided to make Jon the villian in his “master-peace”? The tidbits on WG, sure seemed like he’d be going in the other direction…wonder how WG feels about that. She tends to have more of a soft spot for Jon, or at least she did in the past. One thing is for sure if it was not for the Gosselins who outside Reading would have ever even heard of Al or Dana Hoffman? I wonder if they’ve ever thanked the G’s for making them infamous in glogland:)
Momsby, yes, I remember reading the teasers on WG’s blog and they were all about Kate– she called the town a ghetto, she likes her Asian nanny, she rejected cookies and yelled at the neighbor, she had someone deliver groceries for Thanksgiving. The only teaser about Jon that I remember was that he texted the paparazzi. Well, I guess she had to dig through a lot of Jon dirt to find teasers about Kate. She knows her audience much better than Al does.
Having groceries delivered is getting to be popular in Kate’s neck of the woods. I know two working moms from the area who do it. They are well-off, like Kate, and they value their time more than the money spent paying someone to pick up and deliver the order.
I read Al’s explanation that his mysogynistic & vulgar tone is just his getting inside Jon’s head since someone “assured” him that’s how Jon speaks. Oh, really? Really?
I’m not going to blame Jon for that. Al gets credit for Al’s work. What a weasel.
Jennie, thanks alot you just made me snort Diet Pepsi up my nose!(LMAO)~Momsby
Momsby, Don’t you hate it when that happens? From what I understand the extent of the information from Beth was her declining to be interviewed. All of the hoopla about this book fizzled out like a wet firecracker.
I wished the ability to have groceries delivered were available where I live. I’m not rich, but I would pay for that in a heart beat! When I was growing up in a small community, the local grocery delivered. This is becoming more popular. I never understood what the deal about this was, what was so awful and immoral.
In some areas, there are actually stores which keep your list on-line, you add/remove things as needed. They also give recipe’s and you just click on the ingredients you need. They are also starting to include prepared meals. Now we’re talking!! There is also the option of if you join their delivery service for a year, you get so many deliveries free. I look at these sites and dream…
The delivery service we had when I was young was of great help when, as teens but not yet old enough to drive, my mom had to stay with my dad in the hospital and we were left to take care of ourselves with neighbors looking in on us. My mom didn’t have to worry about us running out of food. And yes, we ordered things she wouldn’t have allowed – junk food – she knew we would!
I read some pages of the big Al’s book and thought I was reading a freshman term paper, rejected for writing style(there was none), no reasearch, and things just thrown out there. Al better make sure that Wal-mart needs a greeter.
As far as the delivery of groceries, this is a great way for someone to make a living. I am sure there are a lot of people out there who have a business where they pick up groceries, laundry, pets for grooming, etc., for those who cannot or do not have time to do this because of a hectic lifestyle. Great job for a high school/college kid or even an older retired person like me to make some bucks. People will always pay for convenience.