By Jennie
On Monday, December 14, Shellie Ross, a Florida mom, blogger and prolific tweeter, was going about her day, doing chores and tweeting frequently. She had just tweeted a message to her 5,000 followers about a change in the weather. A minute later, a 911 call was made from her house by her 11-year-old son; her toddler son had been discovered at the bottom of the family pool. Ross tweeted from the hospital 50 minutes after her weather-related tweet, asking for prayers; another 20 minutes after that, she was informed that her 2-year-old son Bryson, the youngest of three sons, was dead. Ross tweeted about it 4 1/2 hours later.
Condolences and sympathy poured in….along with a healthy heap of judgment. A blogger named Madison McGraw (http://girlarsonist.blogspot.com/) has been one of Ross’ most vocal critics, publicly and repeatedly suggesting that Ross must have been neglecting her son with all that tweeting, and maybe if she hadn’t been, he’d still be alive.
Now, I have to admit, my first, visceral reaction was, “Who tweets about their child’s death hours after it happens?” My reaction was in large part due to the way I view Twitter (I have an account but rarely tweet often go for weeks without remembering to check in on the people I follow). For me, Twitter is for reading snarky little bon mots from celebrities like Michael Ian Black and Mindy Kaling. My rare tweets are usually links I come across and want to share (though it’s probably pretty pointless; I think I have three followers). Twitter is not for real communication, for me.
But on reflection, I am aware that other people use Twitter differently. (Imagine that! There are people who do things differently than I do!) Ross is a military wife and stay at home mother. I’m guessing that blogging and tweeting are a way for her connect with the outside world when she’s at home all day. Or maybe she just enjoys the community she finds online and on Twitter. Why automatically assume, as some critics did, that she’s an internet addict and neglectful mother?
I don’t know…maybe Ross is a lousy mother. Maybe she’s the best mother ever. Chances are, she’s somewhere in between, like most parents. I’m less interested in and judgmental of Ross’ tweeting than of people who feel justified in vilifying a stranger during what has to be the most difficult time of her life. Maybe there is a time and place for a conversation about new social media and its appropriate uses, but in my opinion, Shellie Ross deserves not a lecture, not castigation, but compassion.
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35 Responses to Twitter and Tragedy
I’ve been reading about this on another board. One of Shellie’s followers posted about it, and said that since Shellie is a military wife, she doesn’t have family close by. So, I can understand using your method of choice to communicate to your friends and family when something like this happens. You need support whatever way you can get it.
I don’t see how you can blame tweeting or blogging for this. She could have been in the bathroom, or doing laundry, and it still could have happened.
It turns out that this Madison McGraw person has a book to promote, while she makes the media rounds. It’s bad enough to attack someone who has experienced a tragedy like this, but to do it to get publicity for yourself is beyond disgusting.
Ok, I went to blog of this Madison McGraw (NHRN). I had to take a bath to rub off the judgment and hate. Hmm, somehow this blog reminded me of a couple of other blogs I have visited in the last year or so….I was not impressed – at all.
My condolences to Shellie Ross and her family.
Anya, I agree about needing a bath after going to that site. Madison McGraw has no right to judge how Shellie Ross spent her time or to blame her twittering on the death of her son. Moms have right to their own interests and time. I have often thought how nice this new wave of communication is for sahm or SP. It’s a nice way to communicate w/the outside world and stay in touch for parents that are home a lot. I am glad the police aren’t including her twittering as part of the investigation. I can understand reaching out for prayers from as many possible while it was happening w/just a push of a button. My heart goes out to this woman and her family for their loss.
I do wonder how her little boy got out to the pool. I read the gate was left open. I lost a little cousin to drowning when I was a young teen and it made aware and paranoid about accessible pools. I used to own an above ground and was lucky enough to afford the kind that had the deck w/fencing around the top and the ladder went up and locked. I hate those 3 and 4 foot pools that people put up in their unfenced yard. They were plentiful in my old neighborhood. I have a fenced yard and several times thought about purchasing one of those pools. They are so affordable. I can understand why people want them for their children. Even w/the locked fence, I was afraid of a little one going over it and into my pool and I just couldn’t do it. While my little one is prob past the point those types of pools would be real danger, I am also afraid of her slipping out to get to the pool if I dared to nap while she’s awake and playing. Luckily, we have a great public pool.
Anya, what does” NHRN” mean?
Shellie Ross deserves not a lecture, not castigation, but compassion.
Jennie, ita
She does deserve compassion. I don’t know that I would participate in the type of finger pointing that Madison McGraw believes that she is entitled to. With that being said, an investigation should be conducted. With blogging, tweeting and facebooking does come the parent or person who gets completely absorbed. If she spent 24/7 blogging and tweeting and not attending to the needs of her child then that IS neglect. If she expected her 11 year-old to look after her two year old while she blogged, that is unfair.
To tweet that many times from the hospital with your toddler in critical condition seems somewhat unbalanced. When someone needs that much attention from strangers, it usually is an indication of something not right inside of them (emotionally).
Do people even understand what tweeting is? You’re limited to 140 characters per tweet. It takes five seconds. As to how the kid died….Unfortunately, two year olds are slippery. A gate didn’t get closed, but Ross thought it had been closed. Happens every day; that’s why they’re called ‘accidents.’.
McGraw is slime, though.
I think if her twitter activity was neglectful it will be investigated. If it is not being investigated, I’ll take that as a sign that it was not the problem. As for turning to twitter while waiting in the hospital, I would agree that it’s not that surprising if she was all alone and had no support. I would turn to someone supportive at that time.
I would definitely ask for prayers from strangers.
If there was no one else there, I would think it’s healthier to talk to someone, even a stranger, than to sit quietly alone. Did she have anyone with her? If she was being supported, I do think it would be odd to choose Twitter as her outlet for grief or seeking support. That’s my impression. Twitter, blogging, etc. is really not that common in the general population yet to say what is normal, right?
I do know that a lot of her tweets were made from her phone, which means that the amount of time she was spending doing this was reduced even further
Madison McGraw is a nasty piece of work. Here’s another comment of hers, this time about Gabourey Sidibe, the star of the movie <i>Precious</i>, who is—if you’ve been lucky enough to see one of her charming TV appearance—-adorable, witty, laugh-out loud funny, and lovely: “She needs to go on The Biggest Loser. You could feed a small country on what she probably eats for breakfast.”
That? That springs from a nasty soul.
I know that when I lost my mom, for example, I just about lost my frickin’ mind, so I can only imagine what Ross is going through. To be criticized by these sleazeball attention hound, right now, after her loss? It’d drive anybody round the bend.
McGraw is absolutely slime and apparently she’s doing it all for publicity. I hope the Obamas don’t have a state dinner coming up. She seems the sort to crash that kind of a thing.
Well, crap, sorry about the HTML fail there, guys.
Welcome ginmar.
Just wanted to note that you can use the tool bar in the top portion of the comment box for all of your html needs. It makes it easier than placing the code in yourself.
I think the problem here goes beyond mere formatting. I believe I am suffering from an excess of blood in my caffeine system, and I really need to find somebody who sells Diet Coke from a pump or something.
Sadly, in Florida, children drowning is all too frequent. Some cases of neglect are worse than others. But I never understand the need to pile on the parents…they have suffered the ultimate loss. What further “punishment” should they be forced to endure. I’m sure they are punishing themselves more than society ever could.
While I enjoy the internet and sites like this one, it is sad that it can be used to bludgeon people on a regular basis.
You are right. It is a terrible, horrible accident. She is paying the ultimate price. I’m very cynical because of what I do for a living.
I do feel bad for the whole family.
I’m sure you can’t help but get cynical,Erin….the things that some people do to children are unspeakable. I can understand why people that work in child welfare want to string adults up by their toenails. It also makes me understand why people with real experience in child abuse cases get so livid when the term is bandied about with the Gosselins. I can’t imagine the stress that goes with that profession…but, the children of the world need advocates and I’m glad there are good people like you to do it. I think this Madison McGraw is an advocate in the way that GWOP is. Yuck!
Wow, ginmar, what McGraw said about Gabourey Sidibe is gross. What a horrid woman she is.
Yeah, my understanding was that the older son thought the gate to the pool had latched and it hadn’t. The same thing happened to me once with the front door, and as a result my then 18-month-old niece fell down the front stairs. Almost 17 years later, almost, she’s fine, but the whole thing took a year off my life, I swear. Stuff happens. Even if I did have some judgment about Ross’ actions (and I don’t, really), I would weigh her wrongs against what they cost her and keep my damn mouth shut. Why can’t McGraw and the other vultures do the same?
While I enjoy the internet and sites like this one, it is sad that it can be used to bludgeon people on a regular basis.
I couldn’t agree more Wendy. There are times that people and blogs cross the line and we have seen it many times in the past.
I feel nothing but compassion for this woman. I do understand in today’s world many stay at home women and men are not able to have the social interaction that they need as an adult and they turn to Twitter, Facebook and blogging. I enjoy both Facebook and this site and so who am I to say what this woman was doing in the hospital is wrong. It might not be what I choose to do but it obviously gave her some type of support.
I agree with Ann also, if there are issues here that are of concern, it will be investigated by the appropriate people.
My thoughts and prayers go out to this family.
McGraw sounds judgmental and small-minded to me.
I do not Twitter, I have never had a desire to know about celebrity lives in-depth but I don’t mind if others do, and I have never had the desire to Twitter even to friends. Twitter is just a form of communication for some people, a way to connect with others, I have no problem with that.
Anyone can be deemed neglectful, I guess if they were crocheting instead of ‘eyes on’ the same scenario could play out, and I wonder where Ms. McGraw would draw the line? Is working from home on the computer okay? Would talking on the phone be acceptable?
I have been in a classroom of children with myself and two teachers present and accidents have happened. I am not going to judge that woman. And if she felt a need to reach out at those moments I am not going to judge that either (just because it would be the last thing I would think to do does not mean someone else should be judged so harshly).
And to be honest, I have met many uplifting, supportive people through blogging, and I might very well in a time of trial choose to reach out to them through my blog. I feel just as close to some of those women in ‘blogland’ as I do to friends in ‘real life’ and I don’t think anyone would think less of me if I called a friend on the phone for support. So why should reaching out through a blog (or Facebook or Twitter) be frowned upon?
I read prayer requests all the time on blogs, and I also read about sickness and death, and heartache, and even abuse on some blogs, I don’t find that at all offensive. I think it’s a wonderful outlet and a great source of support.
Well, that’s my opinion anyway.
My heart goes out to the family.
Like the author of the article, I have a twitter account and hardly tweet. I actually have two twitter accounts. My personal account is to keep up with my fave shows like Wendy Williams, Ross Matthews etc. My other account is my work account and I use that all day long at work. This work account is genius! A techie came up with it when we were discussing how to alert police, other staff etc of a potential dangerous situation at work. Nobody pays attention to people who are tweeting and we can alert each other in seconds of a situation or even to say I am going to the ladies room watch the phones etc. I can’t imagine tweeting all day on my personal account. Those are strangers who follow you and usually NOT family or close friends. Most family/friends will call or email you or text etc. So in regards to the story at hand, she is tweeting the death to strangers. How very sad. I agree that the police will do their jobs and I have no comment on the situation.
On the same topic but not in regards to the story, we do see a lot of neglect of children due to the use of the internet these days. We had an infant die of smothering in the home and the mother reported she had “just checked her email for a minute”. The child had been dead for hours so the police took the computer and it was found that she had spent over 6 hours straight on the internet in chat rooms etc. Very sad story. She never even checked on the infant in 6 hours. I believe the infant was like 7 weeks old. We had another case where the mom and dad had hooked up to high speed connection and found World of Warcraft and became addicts. They spent every waking hour on the game. She lost her job over it. They have 2 little girls ages 3 and 5 and the 5 year old was basically taking care of the 3 year old and herself and was actually feeding them all day. The house was disgusting and the kids were eating crackers and water. My son is 13 now and even at his age I limit myself to when he is in bed or if not we are working on a family blog etc. You have to set an example.
Can I remark on the horrible site mentioned on this thread and the usual “site which will not be named” that appears on Gosseling threads? My question is why would you even mention a site you don’t like? It only makes people go over there which bumps them up on search engines and sends even more traffic to their site? I wouldn’t advertise a site I disagreed with. I wouldn’t lower myself and my precious time with even remarking on a site I disagreed with. Just my opinion. I would let them quietly go away.
My question is why would you even mention a site you don’t like? It only makes people go over there which bumps them up on search engines and sends even more traffic to their site? I wouldn’t advertise a site I disagreed with. I wouldn’t lower myself and my precious time with even remarking on a site I disagreed with. Just my opinion. I would let them quietly go away.
Well Trixie, this is a site where we discuss things, good, bad and the ugly. How boring would discussion be if we only included things we agreed with. I have no problem if people go to sites that I don’t necessarily agree with. It is pretty hard to make a point about something if you don’t allow people to have the opportunity to review or see for themselves what your are referencing. I also could care less if Gwop receives more traffic because someone mentions them on this site.
Just my opinion.
My question is why would you even mention a site you don’t like? It only makes people go over there which bumps them up on search engines and sends even more traffic to their site? I wouldn’t advertise a site I disagreed with. I wouldn’t lower myself and my precious time with even remarking on a site I disagreed with. Just my opinion. I would let them quietly go away~Trixie
I would suggest you apply this high standard to reality television shows with which you disagree. You wouldn’t want to be responsible for driving up the popularity of child exploiting parents by lowering yourself and wasting your precious time to remark on them.
Other that another one of Trixie’s “holier than thou” veiled lectures, this has been an interesting read. Thanks Jennie, I hadn’t heard of this story. It’s surprising to me that we’re still in a place where others feel free to tell mothers how they should spend their time and what their life should be. Eileen, you are right, what if she had been crocheting? The only thing that makes twittering different from another hobby/interest is the public communication.
This such a sad story. I guess its human nature to want to place blame when something like this happens. My first reaction was to wonder how a two year olds gets out of the house and into a pool with out being noticed. I guess her tweeting often it did make me suspicious that she was preoccupied. Eileens crocheting comment really got me. I wouldn’t have thought if she had been crocheting, or cooking, or cleaning etc. Its a terrible accident and I feel for the family. Madison mcgraw is only trying to promote herself. Having said that, Jennie- I’m glad you referenced her and her blog. Its hard to form an opinion or discuss when you have no information. You did a great job with sensitive material.
Other that another one of Trixie’s “holier than thou” veiled lectures
Thank you for the kind words. I am so glad you aren’t one to just trash someone for having an opinion. Thank you for actually reading where I said my opinion was not about the case of the drowning toddler. You kindness is an inspiration!
I would suggest you apply this high standard to reality television shows with which you disagree. You wouldn’t want to be responsible for driving up the popularity of child exploiting parents by lowering yourself and wasting your precious time to remark on them.
Well thank you! I haven’t watched any show on TLC in forever. I do refuse to give them my ad dollars. I won’t buy a magazine with any TLC persons featured. I had stopped watching J/K way before any trouble was brewing, haven’t watched the other “kid” shows in years.
I just don’t understand that if I were to trash people that would be ok and since I try to be middle of the road I get trashed. I realize since I am not a Kate fan (and this thread is not even a Gosselin thread) posters don’t like me. I seem to be anti-Gosselin for not liking Kate (don’t like Jon either) but by supporting and rooting for the 8 children my opinion doesn’t matter.
The insinuation of a lecture by me because I witnessed the death of an infant is horrible. I see horrible things all the time. But thanks for the support.
That springs from a nasty soul. – Ginmar
That encapsulates Ms. McGraw and her ilk very well.
Lily, NHRN – not her real name.
I had heard of this story and actually had a hugs 4 shellie pic up on twitter for a bit. My only thought when I heard about what happened was that my heart broke for her.
Trixie, you criticized this site for permitting commenters to mention Gwop. Lily’s reference to your “holier than thou lectures” concerns your telling us what not to allow. Your opinion about the Gosselins has nothing to do with how your remarks are perceived. You know this already. I mention it to explain to our readers who may not remember your lecturing us on our Gosselin threads.
The first reference to Gwop on this thread makes sense in the context of this article. Your Gwop comments, the stuff about page hits or whatever, does not. Thanks.
This such a sad story. I guess its human nature to want to place blame when something like this happens. My first reaction was to wonder how a two year olds gets out of the house and into a pool with out being noticed. I guess her tweeting often it did make me suspicious that she was preoccupied.
Yeah, as I said, my first reaction was one of judgment – I actually had to think about it to realize that my judgments were not really fair. Even the 70+ tweets that day are reasonable if she was using it (as some people do, I think) like IM. I wouldn’t consider 70 instant messages in a day excessive because it only takes a few seconds to send one.
The first reference to Gwop on this thread makes sense in the context of this article. Your Gwop comments, the stuff about page hits or whatever, does not. Thanks.
ITA. Trixie, you may think that this is about you not liking Kate, but I assure you that’s not the case. It’s about trying to control the discussion – that’s not okay here and in general is frowned on across the internet. Also, I have too many memories of people posting on GDNNOP and “innocently” questioning our talking about GWOP there. Those people almost always had agendas.
Trixie, you criticized this site for permitting commenters to mention Gwop. Lily’s reference to your “holier than thou lectures” concerns your telling us what not to allow.
I was asking a question. I agree both sites are horrid. Personally I would not want to help them with their sites by sending people there. It’s my opinion which I stated. I don’t think I mentioned “allow” or “permit” at all. I am constantly getting accused of words I did not use. Just wondering why.
Trixie, I had been ignoring you for quite some time. I am used to and expect your type of nonsense on a G thread, but you brought your game over here. The social issues surrounding the Gs encompass many things, and that’s no problem. As Ann stated, your comments are not in context. As I stated, it was another veiled lecture from you. The part where you grab a random word to spin and pretend not to understand is old too.
Thanks for explaining Ann, I didn’t think of others who might not be aware.
Thanks Anya, I couldn’t figure that one out.
Trixie,
I mentioned that site because of their reputation for child advocacy. I am not worried about my comments adding to their popularity. Strangely enough, when I first started reading about the Gosselins on line, the GWOP site led me to the GDNNOP site. I have never been a big fan of Kate’s or Jon’s and have made my opinion known on many occasions, and have always been treated with respect. I am grateful to GWOP for leading me to this site. This is the first site that I have participated in and have really enjoyed it. I don’t want to speak for the ladies that run this blog, but if I put time and energy into a project, and someone says… this is what you need to do..it sometimes rubs me the wrong way. Maybe, it was just a question you were asking, I hope in my meandering way…I explained why I mentioned them.
Thanks.
Pam answered your question, trixie. You ignored her and chose to play vicitm again.
You wrote, “I wouldn’t lower myself and my precious time with even remarking on a site I disagreed with.” You are an insulting troll. Wendy didn’t “lower” herself. Keep your nasty insults off this thread. Save your passive-aggressive questions, insinuations about innocent people, snarky remarks about others’ religions or family members to the Gosselin threads where we allow you more leeway, please. Thanks.
Why can’t McGraw and the other vultures do the same?
Because vultures don’t have empathy or sympathy. McGraw is indeed a piece of work. I can only think that she should hope the karma Gods don’t get her. Her blog depicts that of someone who is blindsideded on so many levels. A very arrogant woman.
My prayers are for Shellie Ross and her family. I can’t help but think what a brave thing her elder son did, unbeknownst to her, by calling 911 before even telling his mom what he discovered.
Erin, I forgot to add, there is an investigation. I would guess there is any time something like this happens. I can imagine how cynical you could become. I know I have to check myself just because I know I’m overly scared of this happening.
The police weren’t including her tweeting in the investigation in the first article I read. Here’s another article w/more details. An officer states they are aware of her account and looking into it but nothing more. I hadn’t seen this one. She was outside w/her two children 11 and 2 cleaning a chicken and asked the 11 yo to turn off the water which was inside the pool. After she was finished cleaning she went inside because she thought they went in and then panicked when the 2yo wasn’t there. She performed CPR during the entire 911 call according to this one. It’s all so sad, but there is a lot of mention and quotes from McGraw in here. I don’t have a prob w/McGraw initially questioning the validity of the death (PM anyone?) but, to blame the accident on tweeting is wrong.
Welcome ginmar, I have been enjoying your comments and your Christmas letter.
Wendy, I miss your comments when you’re not around and am always happy when I see your name. I’m glad GWOP led you to GDNNOP and thus here. (me too btw).
She was outside w/her two children 11 and 2 cleaning a chicken and asked the 11 yo to turn off the water which was inside the pool ~ME
Oh good grief. She wasn’t cleaning a chicken, she was cleaning a chicken coup. Big difference. My apologies.
It’s on abc.com???? I can’t believe how far this has gone! Good Grief.
I also found everyone from GWOP. Over a year ago I searched Gosselin blogs because I wanted to link up with other fans and found them [GWOP], thought they were vile…noticed them ripping on some one named BabyMama and the rest is history!
LOL
My heart goes out to the Ross family. I am very sensitive to those kinds of snarky comments because of all the things said about my daughter and our family. NOONE has the right to judge this woman–they weren’t there and don’t REALLY know what happened! Mother’s get busy–we all know that. Will be praying for this family!