I found out this morning that a very close childhood friend died last night.
I lost touch with her years ago. I last saw her just after high school graduation. I’d been meaning to find her. It was something I was going to get around to. Her name would come to me when something would remind me of her. Oh, I’d think, I should really see if I can find an email address for her. I wonder what she’s up to, how she’s doing. And then I’d go back to my life and promptly forget. It was so easy to procrastinate, so easy to say I’d get to it later. I always thought there would be time.
There wasn’t. She passed away without a word from me in over 20 years. She never knew my kids. I don’t know if she ever had any. She knew my second husband, we all grew up together. But I don’t know if she was aware we finally married after all those years, or had two kids together, or divorce a few years later. I don’t know if she ever knew the blush of being a new bride, or the pain of being a new divorcee.
I can still find this out from her family, from her friends who stayed close. But I can’t sit down to lunch with her, debating whether we should be “good” and get salads or say “What The Hell” and split a decadent chocolate dessert. I can’t ask her how she feels about being the age our parents were when we last saw each other. Or if she thought turning 40 would feel like this. Because she’ll never turn 40.
There’s a quote, I know it attributed to Mark Twain, though that could be incorrect since I believe I got that info from Wikipedia. It goes something like, “Years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you did NOT do… than by the ones you DID do…”
I didn’t reach out to Natalie. And now it’s too late. I’m so sorry, Nat. I miss you deeply. I wish I could have told you that.
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5 Responses to Unexpected
Tiffany,
I am so sorry for you loss and thank you for allowing us to share this post from your blog. When I read this post it really hit home for me. In October of 2008 , I flew home for a long weekend to celebrate my mom’s 80th birthday with my family. I was home only for a few days and our weekend was packed with family type activities. I was also so tired from taking a red eye flight.
My sister mentioned to me that a very dear childhood friend of ours had been diagnosed with breast cancer and she had made arrangements for us to see her on Saturday morning. I had seen Lorna a few times since we had graduated from high school in 1973 but probably could have counted the times on one hand and all of our encounters were just running into each other when I was back visiting my parents and just brief moments really.
I was so tired that Saturday morning and we had a full day of activities planned and in my mind I was so not wanting to go. But probably even more than that, Lorna’s cancer was caught very late and her disease was terminal and I knew it would be a difficult visit.
My sister and I had breakfast with my parents and then we did go visit Lorna and it was the best decision I could have made. In my mind I have thanked my sister so many times for setting that up. We visited for hours and laughed and giggled about the past and at times I felt like we were back in high school in the early 70s. There were also some tears, but they were good tears and we found Lorna comforting us instead of the other way around. We also took a few pictures that day to remind us of this visit. Lorna passed away about six months after our visit.
Since that day, my sister has reached out to several other of our childhood friends on Facebook and we are trying to stay connected. For my generation, Facebook has been a great way to reconnect.
I have learned a valuable lesson from that experience. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your past and don’t let other things get in your way. Our past is so important.
I’m sorry Tiffany. The sting and the shock are painful things. A few months ago I found out that one of my friends from high school had been killed in a car accident. I found out on facebook of all ways. I had to read it a few times to make sure I was understanding.
I wish I had some other words of comfort, but I don’t. Hang in there and thank you for sharing such a personal thing with us.
Tiffany, I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. It really is a reminder that I need to work on maintaining connections with people I care about. We had a shakeup at work over the past few years, layoffs, etc. I was close to some of the people who ended up losing their jobs and was sure I’d be in touch with them all of the time. But six months or even a year pass in the blink of an eye. I’m going to call my friend Laura today. Thank you for this.
I am sorry for you loss Tiffany. It sounds like the memories you have of the two of you are good ones, I’m sure they were to her too. I hope they bring you some comfort.
Pam, thanks for sharing your story too. What a special time you made for your friend.
But six months or even a year pass in the blink of an eye. – Jennie
How true. Actually 20 or more years seem to pass much quicker than I could have expected.
Thank you, Tiffany. Your experience is an important reminder to us all. Don’t put off until tomorrow or next week to reach out to those we care about.
Pam, thank you for sharing your story regarding Lorna. For all its flaws, Facebook is so valuable for keeping in touch. I am sure you will always treasure your visit with Lorna.