Written by Pregnant Polly
We are expecting our second child (coming summer 2010!) and our first born is full of some interesting questions and her own ideas about what the baby should and shouldn’t do.
Things she doesn’t like so far include the fact that the baby comes out naked and “messy”, she was incensed that the new addition wouldn’t come out clean and clothed. The fact that he or she won’t be able to sit up or talk to her right away seem to be a huge irritant. She is convinced that if I eat a lot the baby will grow faster and come out, say- next week, rather than 6 months from now.
So many changes are coming. She’s had us all to herself for so long- the baby will arrive shortly after her 7th birthday. She’s very excited about the idea of this baby but I wonder once he or she is actually here, what kind of an adjustment she’s in for. I’m trying to make these last months that I’m just “hers”- special. My pregnant-crazy- lady hormones made me cry at that last sentence. So I need some advice! We want to make sure the transition is as smooth as possible. What worked for you or what do you wish you had done differently?
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6 Responses to When Baby Makes Four
Oh gosh, it has been almost 25 years ago since we brought our second one into this world. Mine are four years apart, so my oldest one was 3 when I was pregnant and turned 4 right before my second one was born.
My older son did not ask a lot of questions about it. He had a best friend that lived across the street from us and his best friend’s mom had a baby girl exactly one year before my son’s baby brother was born. He kind of had all of the answers from that experience.
Great idea making things special for your little one. I do remember that my son was really into He Man and we did get him a few of those figures right around the birth of my second which occupied his time and mind. We also made arrangements for him to spend the night at his best friends house when the time came and he was really looking forward to that, which helped.
Again, Congratulations Pregnant Polly. I look forward to more of your pregnancy adventures.
Kids are funny, aren’t they?
Before each of our babies were born, we made sure to talk to the older ones about what babies do and need. Like they eat and sleep and poo a lot. They also cry. So they would know what to expect.
We also would try to get them as involved as possible. Like our son liked helping put together the crib, or our daughters liked picking out clothes for the baby.
I’m sure your older daughter will adore her new little sibling when he/she arrives.
We had a melt down after school yesterday. She’s been waiting for someone to play with for a long time. She realized that by the time the baby is her age- she’ll be a teenager (cringe) and wouldn’t want to play anyway. She was distraught. I tried explaining that babies are fun in their own way and even though he or she won’t be able to play games for awhile- you can play with them. It didn’t help. Sobbing ensued. She decided she didn’t want to be a big sister anymore. Too late. I know she will have a whole range of emotions in the coming months. Hopefully she will change her mind again as quickly as she did before.
Pregnant Polly, I love reading about your pregnancy. I am sure your first born will have her ups and downs, but I know she will love being a big sister. Give a 7-year-old girl someone to kiss and cuddle and (huge plus) boss around! Hello, life is going to very sweet for her!
You are such a good mommy to prepare your first born born so well and be so tuned into her feelings.
Can’t wait to read more………
PP
She will change her mind when the baby comes. She will be so busy helping with the diapering and bathing and feeding that she will forget all about the little one being too young to play with.
She will make a great sister. There are seven years between myself and my youngest brother and I remember like it was yesterday when he was born. I did have three older siblings to play with but caring for my younger brother was something special.
It sounds like your little girl is having some anxiety around the baby and expressing it the only way she knows how, finding these kinds of “irritants” in wanting the baby to come out dressed (!) or to be able to play with her, where in fact she’s probably concerned that she is afraid she will no longer be your baby or what the consequences will be for her. That’s a chance to educate her.
I would try as far as possible to tread the line between giving her a lot of attention now (she won’t have that this summer and may come to expect it as her due and resent the baby when it goes away) and setting expectations about what the reality of babies are. She is old enough to have some facts – and to be educated about what to expect. Her expectations now sort of communicate that she lacks information on infants and maybe is old enough to start that talk with you and your husband. This isn’t a playmate for her, at 7 there will be times you expect her to help you whether amuse the baby while you cook or just by being patient while you see to the baby, or being quiet while he sleeps, and not all the attention will be on her. But there is good news too about being a sister, about being not a baby – all the things she can do and the privileges she will have that accrue to being 7.
7 is a hard age because she’s not young enough for this baby to be a playmate and not old enough to be a second mother or caregiver to him or her. However 7 is old enough to be able to discuss some of her feelings and just having you take the time to understand and talk with her might make her feel more at ease with what is bound to be a pretty big change in your house.
My older child is almost 10 years older than her brother so for her it was quite a different story. Still there was sibling rivalry she felt too old to express directly. She loved the attention of being a big sister and her natural affection for her messy silly brother soon won out over the resentment although expect it to flare up and expedt your feelings to be hurt when it does – they are both your babies!